hush

Study plans're very unproductive lately with me touching but a paper per day. Note, and i do mean A paper. Just one miserable piece. I usually take a break after that piece and well... Never really got back to work.

Bio is untouched. MrsLing says our school's distinctions for the subject is less than 30%. I'm worried. She says i should memorize the stuff. Something i always disliked and refused to do.

Science i've read through but i dont really remember anything. TYS is untouched. Too afraid that all attempts would be futile.

Only two subjects i've been working on is EMath and AMath. Yea, there's where my One Paper Per Day comes from. I do one paper for each subject per alternate day, i admit i've been skimping on EMath Paper 2 though.. =/

Humanities. Yet to touch and i really have no idea how i'm gonna do it. Afterall, i write too slow (SBQ 1a and b in 50 minutes) + am not in the mood to know about LKY and this and that policies. I mean, they're like all so similar ! Argh.

Then English. MrsLee told me to stick to narrative texts. This is not a year to experiment with styles she says. Sigh. But i have yet to write a single narrative text for a year ! I'm so dead.

Thankfully, i dropped chinese. No, even if the entire corhort does do better than for the June paper, i wont be upset. I made the choice, i'll have to be held responsible for the results. Good luck for those re-taking their Mother Tongue as well as those taking the HMT tomorrow.


The sands in the hourglass trickle down swiftly.
There isnt much time left now.
So why am i still standing immobile ?

zuohan

Coz i'm bored.

5 Things That Scare Me
1. Loss of Loved Ones
2. Lonliness
3. Helplessness
4. Disappointment
5. Obesity

5 Things I Like Most
1. Sleeping
2. Eating
3. My guitar
4. QT
5. You !

5 Important Things In My Room
1. Bed
2. Books
3. Bible
4. Letters
5. Softtoys

5 Things I Plan To Do Before I Die
1. Lose weight !
2. Get a dog
3. Apologise to all people that i've hurt before
4. Tell all those who mean a lot to me that i really love them
5. Clarify all misunderstandings i've ever had

4 Random Facts About Me
1. I dont like being part of the crowd
2. I'm either very lame or very sarcastic when upset
3. I force myself to laugh even when i'm falling apart
4. I'm short, fat and ugly ?

4 Things I Can Do
1. Sleep
2. Blabber on for hours
3. Scribble
4. Be reeeaaallly nice. Really.

4 Things I Say The Most
1. Duh
2. Excuse me
3. Whatever
4. Oh well

1 Thing You Wish You Told Someone But You Didn't
from my english oral - conversation segment =/

I'm sorry.

randomness.

I totally forgot about my meeting with John tomorrow. Opps. Sorry John. =P

Anyway, still no news of the photo. I shall print out and post it in my room when i get it coz i simply adore Jung Pu. Lol. I'm not les. Really.

But yea. She was one of my closer pals in Pri 2, number uno is KaiLin la, still need to say meh.

Hmm.. I miss you guys ! Hahahahaha.

On the other hand, on the new YouthNet site, ChangLoong remembers my "hen du de circle" thing and was saying that he hoped i'm not haunted by it for the rest of my O's.. But since i dropped Chinese, no la. Hahahaha. Bio pract was a mess though. While xionghai aka bear is back ! Hahaha. Missed him ! Still remember being blur and asking why they called him bear then.. Heehz.
I'm now trying to advocate the benefits of donating blood to them nowadays. Lol.

You should donate blood too hor.

So yea. Study hard people.


I wish i can say the same for myself. Someone call me and scold me leh.

you're that drug that consumes me

Spinning in My Room:
Ecstacy - ATB

Have you ever noticed?
That I'm not acting as I used to do before
Have you ever wondered?
Why I always keep on coming back for more
Weeee. Karen is not really a good person to seek counsel from. Her advices are contradictory to KangLi's too - Which i feel is more true.

What have you done to me?
I'll never be the same I tell you for sure

Sorry karen. But seeing that he's the one leading to my preplexed situation, i really dont think that harping onto his words will help. Thus in that sense, using him and his words as a driving force is rather ironic.

Nevertheless, thanks for the kind words.

I'll never be the same I tell you for sure
I'll never be the same I tell you for sure
Emotions consuming me like addictions that never wear off.


You really are my ecstasy

superstar

Spinning in My (Living) Room:
Superstar - The Carpenters

Life is full of people who will make you laugh, cry, smile till your face hurts, and so happy that you think you'll burst. But the ones who leave their footprints on your soul are the ones that keep your life going.
- Natalie Bernot

Things spun out of control two nights ago. I'm sorry KangLi but i cried again.

1.15am. why is it always this time. This time, karen was the one that threw me a float and tried to keep me suspended. Unexpectedly, i had a talk with my Mum regarding all this. Oh well.

KamKit has been rather nice lately. Not as mean. Think i must have shocked him last thursday.. Oh well. Much thanks. =/

Anyway, post exams plans are halfway up already.

Bangkok trip
Shop till you drop ! Wahahahahaha.
Pick up swimming
I wont drown again~ No~
Hit the gym
Lose weight, tone up
Guitar lessons
I shall finally learn to successfully play Love Me ! Yea.
Rollerblade
Been ages since i did that.. Hmm..
Most importantly..

ORGANISE BLOOD DRIVE !!!

Wahahahahaha.

I love you, i really do.

yayness

*Are you there ?


The past few days have been a rollercoaster ride. Highs and plenty of lows. Today, i'm glad to announce the end of which.

MengZi, i've still yet to find what i want. All i know is that, i dont want to let you guys down. Perhaps that might qualify as a goal ? =/

Anyway, mjc open house today.

Jung Pu !!

Hahahaha. I met up with her after long last ! =D

8 years. Wow.

So yea. Skipped the principal's address to see the eldds and guitar performance. Yada yada. I stalked waited for her. She recognised me while i was making a phone call ! (Yayness increases once more.)

Waited for her outside the room, wandered over to the library again.

Saw some fat, short, small-eyed person. (Yayness drops)

Yada yada. (Skip skip skip to nice parts please.)

So went around school with Jung Pu (Yayness please) till around 6 when they had to do the mass dance (i'm sorry but it looks DAMN funny), picked up some stuff like a stone (which states that i died stoning) and some fishes (props to the two kids who helped me catch like 90% of what i had), i left after they were done.

Was rather fun, walking around and talking when at around 5.30 she mentioned that it was too bad that she didnt have a camera so that we could take a picture.

At this time, one of her friends (some guy that hi`ed to us already) came over and joined me for Jung Pu, where we bobbed into the photography area. There that guy (shall call him A) suggested that she get her classmate (some guy in photog whom we shall refer to as B) to take a shot.

So we walked out, took a shot when i asked, where'll the shot be uploaded.

B: School comp
I gave him the "weird look"
B: Dont worry la. Wont paste all over school one.
A: You trust him ar ?
I pointed to A (who was wearing oakley glasses) and said "I dont trust people wearing those specs"
A: Wah. Ask Jung Pu la. Who got more credibility.

Lol. So we left A and B and went to see how my stone was progressing (refer to top) when Jung Pu said that actually i'm wrong and that the other fella (B) was less trustworthy. Oh well. I've never been good at judging guys. Oh and he's chubby too. Somewhat. Wahahahaah.

Thus after we picked my my stone, we walked back to the atrium and just stood near the biz corner and talked. When that B snapped us. Ewwwwwww. I hate photos so please~ I tried covering the lens when he later wanted to take my picture. Was not really successful. Oh well. Thus i josted him in the stomach after he showed me the picture he took. Now thinking of it, wasted la, should've elbowed him lower, since Jung Pu later told me that he's quite a flirt.

Nevertheless, today was a nice nice nice day. Yes, i met more of Jung Pu's friends and well, after she told them i was her pri 2 classmate, i blabbered that i retained. Too bad no one believed. Maybe it was coz some were her pri sch classmates. Oh well. Gerald, i pity that cute lil' gal that sat next to you in pri 1 ! Haha.

So yea. It was great seeing her, really really great. =)

Thus to conclude this entry, i shall end it with a picture i drew yesterday. The top one was drew yesterday too. This one at the bottom was one that i woke up too. Something i visualised out of the blue after waking up. Mood swings provide much inspiration for drawing angst-filled scribblings.




*Hold my hand

Note: She's NOT holding onto the balloon.

hold my hand

"Don't worry, i wont cause i'm your friend."

I passed KangLi that little notebook of mine just now. Told her not to return it to me until O's were over no matter what.

That book has been like a drug lately. An addiction consuming me. Scribblings in it that spill out tales of grief and loss.

Getting rid of it is my first step to waking up.

Chemistry with benjamin on saturday.

A*Math with john on monday.


Shoo emo feelings.



For no one, but myself.

this

Mark this day please.

First things first.

To Bertrand, I'm sorry. Just wasnt in right state of mind i guess. But the sardonic thing holds still.

To Lyon, bro, you MUST stay strong.

To Ham, Advent Children is nice. Very. *squeals* Thanks. =)

To Gerald, Despite all the bitching and teasing, you rock.

So, today as i dropped from the train and was walking towards Coffee Bean, i realised something i've been overlooking all this time. Some stuff replayed in my mind as it finally dawned on me.

No matter how hard i deny it, i've never really moved on.

All i did was hold on. Take a stand and stay to it.

Even though i always tell people to let go and move on, i myself never really do that.

Defense is not the best offence. It's true that your defence protects you but then, no pain, no gain ya ? =)

I shall no longer be frozen in this time.

This is the start of the end.

The ice has started to thaw.

P.s. YOU. Yes if you even suspect that it might be you, most likely you're one of the ones i'm refering to.

You've been a great part of my life. Thank you for once being there for me. If you're still with me now, even much more thanks. If not, i really appreciated your support and love then even if i didnt show it.

For those who're still with me but are no longer as close as before, i really wish that you guys will come back. I miss that bond we once shared. Those jokes we once cracked. Those walks and laughter that marked my journey through those tough periods. I still love you. x)

Now, to those who left me. You guys really changed my life. No matter how short a period i've known you for, you did affect and shape me into who i am. I wouldnt even have gotten this far if not for your guidance and help. I miss you. Can we start anew ?

valence

"You're tough. You never seem to let things get you down."

I dont like doing the "get away, i'll bite" facade but it's the most effective in case you dont realise.

So i've been holding on to this mode of defense for almost well, 4 years now. Okay, it's not so harsh nowadays, the shield flares only when needed.

I dont feel secure lots of time.

Just that, i refuse to admit it.

I've never been one that's sanguine.

The harder someone tries to attack me and what i hold close, that person usually ends up worst.

The reason being simply because i dont falter due to their words and actions.

The people around me have disappointed me on numerous counts. I've learnt to hold the fort myself.

I understand and i agree with the line "No one is an island*" but i do think that you have to have confidence in yourself before you can rely on external help. If not, you'll only be used and manipulated.

I try not to take unpleasant things to heart cause one can never expect the whole world to love you.

I laugh when i'm sad so i can forget my fears and worries.

I'm hot-headed. I'm harsh. I'm hyper. I'm callous. I'm cold. I'm offensive. I'm fun-loving. I'm eccentric. I'm anti-social.

But i'm not as tough as i want to be.



I just want you to believe i am.

promise.

How much does a promise mean to you ?

Procrastination has been intergrated into my lifestyle eons ago. Not a good thing.

I am still not studying lately. Not much. Reading occasionally on bus rides at most.

Sigh.

Kkkz.

I shall digress.

TJC open house yesterday. The principal's address was good. Yup.

Ran into a few old friends. Saw Cheryl, didnt say hi though, too far.

Then as we were proceeding to the mass dance area, i saw this familiar stick figure and his female companions approaching our group.

I turned too late. He proceeded to stuff us with ice cream, extroting 1.50 from each of the 14 of us.

Resistance was futile, so i then grabbed his name tag. Jaryl.

"Changed names again ?"

He then whacked me. =((

Chun Hian bully !

He said i forgot his name.

Not my fault he keeps changing them anyway.

But didnt forget la. Not really anyway.. Heehz..

VJC today with Benji and Amalina.

Arh.....

Gerald's in dance.

I hate to admit it but he was quite good.

The usual happened. He insulted me, and vice versa.

After a while, my sweet cousin gave me a hug and started complimenting me. Sarcastically.

So i retorted with a "Actually he's really charming" andf wanted to do the cliche, "tall dark, handsome" bit but before i could say tall, i realised that, standing next to him, he was still shorter than i am.

Thus instead i said "Actually he's really charming and erm.. If you would ignore the height, rather dark and handsome too."

Well, sorry~

Anyway, days're going by faster and faster it seems, i've yet to find much inspiration to study for.

But nevertheless, big thanks to ZuoHan for reminding me of my promise.


Snap out of this daydream. It's time to face the world.

apple pie

Sending my ibook for repairs this sunday. Just nice. A break so that i can concentrate more.


Your sleek and pristine body brings comfort to me.
A light touch on that little button awakes you.
Your soft purr greeting me as your face lights up.
The radiant hues full of verve dance before me
And before i know it, you're ready for me once more.

I'll miss you.
Good bye sweetie.


For now.

considerations for people

For those troubled over your Prelim marks (like moi), here's something for you to spend a moment on. And a moment no more okay. The rest of time is to be spent s.t.u.d.y.i.n.g.

So yea.



Last year's JAE (Not PAE hor.) intake L1R5 range.

19

English - B4
Chinese - B3
(A*Math - C5)
E*Math - A1
Biology - A2
Science - B4
Humanaties - C5

L1R5: 19
L1R4: 14

The one in brackets is the one NOT using.

'nuff said.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Yes i AM sad.

I'm still trying to get over it.

All i'll say is, i'm quite thankful that i failed nothing.

Also, as compared to some whom i saw studying the hell out but did much worst than me. I think i should really just shut up and live with the grade. In fact, i dont think i deserve even a 19, i should've gotten much worst.

Oh well.

G'night people.


P.s. Hey Pinkster, thanks a million. Maybe you're right. Three weeks LEFT.
But i'm pretty sure it wasnt luck that pulled you through. And i really do mean it.

This is but a wake up call. I will walk on.

Pooh Bear

Disney now showing Winnie-the-Pooh movie.

Pooh is so cute.

I tear everytime Christoper Robin (CR) says "Silly old bear" to pooh.

One veery very sad episode is when Pooh asked CR "Will you be staying for tea today?" at the end of the episode and CR replied "Oh Pooh, you silly old bear."

Dammit la. Cry like hell can ?

Dunno why la.

Pooh just seems so innocent. So calm. Sigh.

Eh. The Tao of Pooh.


EUGENE LIM JIAN YONG WHERE IS MY BOOK ???

I totally forgot that you're still hogging my book. Bah.

I love Pooh. Just because Pooh is Pooh.

Just like how you are you.

blues

Not really in mood. No idea. Was sugar high a moment ago and way low now. Sigh.

Think results'll be back tomorrow and on tuesday. I'm not really positive about the whole thing. I KNOW i at least D7`ed 3 subjects. Humanities. AMath. Combined Science. I'm not to hopeful about bio actually. But i rather not mention it.

I'm just hoping for a below 20. Hard though. With 3 D7.

Actually, i sorta asked for it. Maybe this is a good thing.

Shuyun, rememeber if 16 > 8 is possible. You know you can be better too.

Life's a bore. I'm financially crippled. Spending 70 in a day is never good for me.

And my online order has yet to be comfirmed yet.

Oh well. Shopping therpy has always worked. I'm feeling better now. At least a lil'.


I miss you. Quite. Stop this game now ? Please ? I dunno.

boooo

Went for my second blood donation today. Yayness. I'm only 23 more to getting a bronze award. Hahahaha.

Anyway, they took more this time, 450ml, the amount guys usually give coz the couldnt use my platelets. Bah. Almost got denied coz of my fine right vein. =/

I took muscle relaxtant yesterday morning before the papers coz my thigh reeeaaalllyyy hurt so they had to take extra to get more RBC and plasma. =((

Went in to look for cecilia but couldnt find her. So crashed lynn instead. Apprantely CHOON LENG has a BIG MOUTH. Lynn knows a lot. Dammit. -.-

Btw, anyone interested in a halloween party at club momo on the 28th october ? I've got a ticket for it but well, cant make it. Interested parties just poke me. It includes a complimentry drink + you get to bring a guest. Oh and it's by the red cross. Wahahahahaha. Dont worry, not some recruitment drive. Really.